Source/Author: Dr Michael Dalseno

Raising children is certainly an age-appropriate business. The way we relate to our two year-old needs to be different to the way we relate to our ten year-old or twenty year-old, and especially when that adult child is married.

PARENTING ADULT CHILDREN: LETTING THEM GO

Dr  D

Raising children is certainly an age-appropriate business. The way we relate to our two year-old needs to be different to the way we relate to our ten year-old or twenty year-old, and especially when that adult child is married. Sometimes, parents seem oblivious to the need to be age-aware, and fail to alter their parenting style accordingly. One of the problems has to do with simply “letting them go,” allowing them to move into their futures and callings as the Lord would direct.

Two characters in the Bible stand in complete contrast on this score; Barzillai and Jacob. Let’s commence with Barzillai (2Sam.19.31-39). Because of his great faithfulness and support of the king during his trials with Absalom, David offered to take care of him in the future. The story unfolds that Barzillai allowed his son Chimham to leave home and pursue this door to the future. Though the old and wise Barzillai would have preferred to hang on to him, especially in his approaching hours of need, he knew he must put the interests and future of his son before his own. Holding on to our expectations, our obligations, and our demands does nothing for releasing them into their God-ordained destinies.

Enter Jacob. The story unfolds in Genesis Ch 37, and reaches its climax in Ch. 50. There was no way Jacob was even going to let Joseph go. As the eldest son of his beloved wife Rachel, now deceased, Jacob had a lot of expectations projected on to this favourite son, of which Joseph was expected to fulfill. A varicoloured tunic was made for him, a symbol of high duty perhaps, and he would regularly report on his brothers and oversee the work for his father. Could it be that Jacob was a major contributing factor to Joseph’s eventual painful and demanding journey? After all, the Lord had designs on growing a nation in Egypt, so how to get Joseph there? Jacob had too tight a control over him for this possibility ever to happen. The rest is history.

We might very well surmise that the famous reprise, “Let my people go” (Ex.5.1), uttered to Pharaoh, was first directed at Jacob concerning his son Joseph. If our parenting is truly maturity-appropriate, do we free our adult children from our expectations, duties and obligations and allow them to pursue God’s expectations and call on their lives? On this note, we should look to Barzillai as a model.